dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
