drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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