Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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