I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
