he wants to bone in the snuggie
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
