Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
