please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
