I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's the barista slut.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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