Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I believe in your delicious
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