I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
