Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
