ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
