Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
