The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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