so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
