College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
