WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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