OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
