remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
