dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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