I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
