butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
