Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
