I just made out with a guy for $7.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
