I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
