You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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