It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
