im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
