i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
