If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
