Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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