It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
