Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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