Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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