Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
