i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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