Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
