im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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