I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
