brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
