You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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