I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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