Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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