My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think my vagina is haunted
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
