I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
