Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
