when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
