apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So vagazzling was a success
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
