There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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