Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
