My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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