So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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