You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
